25 Dalmatians
by League Girl
Summary: Parody of 101 Dalmatians
1. Chapter 1

_Okay I love parodies. I have read one on Benny & Joon, Edwards Scissorshands and they made me laugh so hard. I just read one on Arthur and Mr. Ratburn had Tourettes. It was a funny story. _

_101 Dalmatians was my favorite movie for a few years before I moved onto A League of Their Own so I had decided to do my own parody and picked this one. _

_Warning: This story contains animal abuse. If you take the internet too seriously, I advise you to hit the back button. But if you know this is not meant to be taken seriously, good for you._

* * *

Scene 1  
Murder in the Zoo

(It is a very cloudy day in London; the milk man is bringing empty bottles to his lorry. He tosses them in the back literally and there is a shatter sound and he climbs back in the lorry and drives off)

(The alarm clock is ringing inside one of the flats on the night stand and the vibration is moving it off the night stand. It falls off and hits Pongo right on his penis because he was lying upside down.)

Pongo: (Shakes himself awake and howls with pain)

(He gets up and walks to the bathroom. He turns on the shower nozzle and pulls the shower curtain closed. The whole thing falls down and lands on him so he crawls out from under there and goes back in Roger's bedroom. He pulls the covers off of him and Roger is sleeping with nothing on and he is laying face down. Pongo licks the back of his neck and he doesn't wake up so he digs his head in his crotch and licks him down there and he still doesn't wake up so he finally bites his penis and Roger's head shoots up in the air open eyes real wide)

Roger: AAHHH!

(Pongo walks into the kitchen and turns on the coffee maker with his tongue and walks in the living room. He uses his paw to turn on the power button on the computer and the words on the monitor appear. It says 'stay off my computer you dumb dog.')

Pongo: Woof woof woof

(Pongo leaves the computer and walks to the door and pushes the red button and the door opens. Pongo walks outside and gets the milk and shuts it behind him but the door slams on his tail)

Pongo: (howls with pain)

Roger: (shouting) Shut up boy

(In another London flat across the Westminster area)

News reporter on TV: We were not familiar with the illegal poaching of endangered animals in the wild until now. An animal at the zoo here in London was slaughtered for its pelt.

(Anita comes into the room with a cup of tea in her hand and she is wearing clown shoes on her feet as slippers and she is wearing a huge sleeper made out of linen. She sits down at the table where her sketches are of her designs)

(Perdy is sitting on the floor watching TV. She turns around and looks at Anita)

Perdy: Woof woof

(Anita turns her head and looks at the TV and so does Perdy again)

News reporter: Early this morning, while the zookeepers were opening up the zoo, one of them found a dead Siberian bird in the cage and immediately called the security staff. Shortly this morning before dawn, someone had broken into the zoo and killed a three-year-old Siberian bird and all its feathers were gone and so was the skin

(Perdy is growling and moaning throughout the whole news)

News Reporter: The Scotland Yard checked it out and they suggested that the killing was done by someone who privately collects rare animal fur or feathers.

Anita: Ugh. Who on earth would kill a dumb bird and take of its feathers and skin? Probably someone who is sick, pathetic and stupid.

News reporter: …if this ever happens again with another endangered animal here, we've got to ask ourselves if any animal on the whole planet if safe

Perdy whimpers and howls at the TV as the news reporter says: This is Tim Bry-man reporting from the oldest zoo of all, London Zoo

Anita: Shut up, I can't hear. Damn it, you just made me miss the rest!

(Anita turns her head back at the drawings)

Anita: Stupid dog

* * *

(Roger is sitting on a bench in St James Park reading Independent. The headline reads: _London Zoo bird looses its precious feathers and skin_. Pongo is sitting beside him on the bench. Then he sees a nanny dressed in summer clothing even though its fall and brisky out pushing a baby in the crappy old pram who is wearing no clothing and only a dirty nappy, and the small Chihuahua is sitting underneath the pram bed)

Chihuahua: Woof woof

Pongo: woof woof

Chihuahua: woof

(Then an eighty-something-year-old man dressed up as a Buckingham guard comes by with an ugly bulldog on its leash)

Bull Dog growling: woof woof

Pongo: (soft bark) woof

Bulldog: (growling) woof

Roger: Shut up boy

(Then a middle aged man comes by running with a Boxer on its leash wearing no shirt)

Boxer: woof woof woof

Pongo: woof

Boxer: woof

Roger: (shouting) Hey, how many times have I told you this morning? Shut up. (Hits him with the newspaper and reads it some more)

(Pongo keeps barking to his doggy friends and then Roger hits him again with the newspaper)

Roger: SHUT UP! (He then folds up the paper)

Roger: (being sarcastic) Another great day in the animal kingdom

Roger: (Turns to his dog) One day, very soon, Pongo, I'm going to have a sale. I'll sell one of those games I created. We're fast approaching where I'm going to quit eating your table scraps and licking the shit off your anus

Pongo: (barks in a sad voice) Woof (whimpers)

Roger: (looks at him) I was exaggerating stupid. Can't you tell the difference? (gets up from the bench) Well shall we? (pulls Pongo by the leash but he doesn't come)

Roger: C'mon boy, it won't be that bad

(Pongo gets up and jumps off the bench and walks along Roger)

Roger: It won't be that bad. This is a very important for me that this meeting goes well and I'm so nervous and you know how I am about them. When I get nervous, I feel like I'm going to throw up and I say things and do things I shouldn't do like when I hit you with my newspaper which I shouldn't done and the next thing you know, I'm abusive

(At the next bench sits Anita reading her newspaper with Perdy sitting beside her on the bench too and her bike is parked there too on the bench)

Perdy: (barking to one of her doggy friends) Woof woof

Anita: (hits her with the newspaper) Shut up Perdy, I'm trying to read!


	2. Chapter 2

_I have nothing to say here_

* * *

Scene 2  
Roger's Crappiest Game Ever

(Roger is at his meeting at the video game company. On the big screen, a big fat circle with two legs on each side is going up the screen which is the fat Dalmatian and the surroundings around it is white and brown which is filthy snow and there is dark brown and dark green for the trees and dark blue for the water and the graphics are awful. Worst than the 8-bit Nintendo graphics and they're even worse than the Atari 2600 graphics)

Alan: He has the best instincts in the industry. Since he was six, he's picked the top selling games ever.

(Alan and Roger turn their heads and look at the screen. The fat Dalmatian is fighting Bowser which is an ugly green for the shell and light yellow for the skin. The Dalmatian runs around Bowser and then he picks him up by his tail and swings him around and throws him off screen. Hebert puts the controller down and sits back trying to stay awake)

Roger: (looking at him) Well, what did you think?

Herbert: Very poor graphics, not entertaining at all but I liked the dog but the graphics I don't like so you need to make them a lot better. Make them 3D just like Nintendo 64 and Playstation but I am not interested in any games that have characters that have already been made. That's plagiarism dude or unless you get their permission to use them and give them credit but I want you to come up with your own characters. Even the pussies won't like your game. Sorry mate.

(Herbert gets out of his chair and grabs his hunting backpack that is packed with game consoles strapped to it: Super Nintendo, Nintendo, Sega Master System, Sega Mega Drive, Game Boy, Game Gear, Virtual Boy, blah, all the game systems except for the ones that came out after the year 2000)

Alan: (saying to Roger) He hates girls

Roger: Wait Herbert. Wait. Just stop

(Herbert is walking away as he is talking, then he stops and turns and looks at Roger)

Roger: Why do you hate girls, man? Without them, there wouldn't be anymore babies in the world and the world population would shrink and then pretty soon, there wouldn't be any humans on Earth anymore

Herbert: So make one a villain. That will get you a good start and oh by the way maybe this will help you

(Puts his bag down and opens it up and takes out a book and tosses it on the table in front of Roger. He picks it up and reads the cover, Video Game Designing for Dummies and then another book is tossed at him and it hits him in the face)

Herbert: (off screen) Sorry mate

Roger: (grabbing his face) Ow man that hurt

(He reads the cover on the new book and it says, A Complete Idiots Guide to Video Games and How They're Made)

Herbert: Read those. They will help you in the future

(Herbert leaves the room)

(Alan gets up and picks up his coke and leaves the room too)

(Roger sits back in his chair and bangs his head on the table)


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay it is fun to take a dig at mental conditions. I don't mind poking fun at myself or mind the other jokes so please if you are offended by these jokes, I advise you to skip this chapter._

* * *

Scene 3  
Oh No, Cruella Da Slut

(Somewhere in the City of London, a black and white slug bug pulls up in front of a building. On the lisence plate, says Da Slut)

(A doorman walks down the steps to the car. He opens the door)

Doorman: Top of the morning to you Da Slut

(Chewed up tobacco comes flying out of the door and lands on his shoe. He looks down)

(A skinny figure sticks her legs out the car and Cruella gets out and she is dressed up as a prostitute because that's what she is and all her hooker clothing is made out of fur. She is wearing fancy tights and no coat and a very short shirt that is skin tight and she is wearing a see through shirt that is showing her boobs through her bra. She takes out another tobacco piece and puts it in her mouth and walks up the set of stairs to the building. On the sign it says, House of Da Slut. Cruella enters the building)

Alonzo: (saying into the receiver) Hi, good morning miss. How can I-

Random guy on the other end of the line: I'm a guy! I thought she only sold her body for sex to men?

Alonzo: Excuse me, guy. What can I do for you? And yes, she does men only because she isn't a lesbian

Random guy: I would like to set up my time for Da Slut.

Alonzo: Hold on, let me check her timetable.

(Opens up his desk and pulls out a huge calendar and puts it on his desk after he closes it. He looks for empty squares seeing when she is open)

Alonzo: Ah ha, she is free on Wednesday and Saturday and then after that, she's booked up with other men.

(Then Cruella enters the room)

Alonzo: Good morning miss Da Slut

(Cruella ignores his greeting as she does every time when she arrives at work. She walks into the design studio where all the hooker clothing is designed and modeled. All the fashion designers are doing their jobs and they're saying 'good morning' to her and all the manikins have hooker clothing on them too)

Random employee: Good morning

Another random employee: Good morning

(Gah, almost all of them are saying good morning to her and she is ignoring them all)

(She walks up to Anita who is sitting at her drawing board sketching one of her hooker designs. Anita stops and turns around and sees her boss. She grins)

Cruella: Oh Anita, darling

(Anita takes of her specs that make her look like a nerd)

Anita: Oh Good morning Cruella

(She grabs her sketches of stripes and covers up her current design she is working on but Cruella uncovers it and sees black spots. It is a animated picture of her wearing a very short shirt and it shows her bare tummy and belly button and her nipples is sticking out through the shirt and the skirt is very short and goes just below her thighs and the design is of course spots. Then she sees a photo of Perdy hanging upside down from a random tree in a park and her back legs are tied to the rope that is tied on one of the branches. She picks it up)

Cruella: What a charming dog

Anita: Oh why thank you

Cruella: Oh what is she?

Anita: (rolling her eyes) A Dalmatian

Cruella: (smacks herself on the forehead) Oh right, how dumb of me. I must have chewed too much this morning (chew chew)

(She puts the photo down and studies the new drawing)

Cruella: (chew chew) Is this an inspiration from your dog?

Anita: Yes

Cruella: Is her hair long or short (chew chew)

Anita: Short

Cruella: Course or fine?

Anita: It's a little course

Cruella: Oh pity (chew chew)

Anita: But it was very fine when she was a puppy and then it roughend up when she reached sixth months

Cruella: Redemption. We need to have a little girl talk

(Anita shoots a frightened look at her)

Cruella: Not that girl talk, another girl talk

Anita: (sighs with relief)

Cruella: Come to my office and bring the drawing (chew chew as she walks away)

(Cruella, Frederick, and Anita all walk into her office)

Cruella: Now darling, tell me more about these spots? I did leopard spots in the eighties. Oh wait, that was someone else so never mind. I wasn't a fashion designer back then (chew chew)

Anita: (Giggling)

Cruella: Shut up darling. Well, tell me about these spots I say

Anita: …

Cruella: (chew chew)

Anita: ….

Cruella: Quit ignoring me! Now tell me about these spots!

Anita: You told me to "shut up"

Cruella: (Rolls eyes and slaps herself in the face) That was for your laughter darling

Anita: Oh sorry. Well, they are different

Cruella: And I like the idea. I was starting to get tired of stripes so I've been wanting to change the theme for the past…past…I don't know. I've just been wanting to change it and thanks to you, (turns to Frederick) Do you like the new idea, Frederick?

(Frederick starts twisting his hands around)

Frederick: I hate it. When are you ever going to stick with the same theme? Changes make me (gulp and then gags and then throws up on the floor) sick

Cruella: (smirks) You're sick? Why didn't you stay home, but instead you come to work sick?

Frederick: I wasn't sick when I left but I got sick when you decided to change the theme. Changes make me sick just like I said (gags some more and throws up again)

Cruella: Just what kind of a sycophant aspie are you?

Frederick: Uh, what kind of sycophant Aspie do you want me to be?

(Cruella ignores the question)

Cruella: Alonzo, clean up the mess. Hurry!

(Alonzo rushes out of the room)

(Cruella starts to see spots everywhere)

Cruella: Frederick, I'm starting to see spots now. What will it cost us to start our new theme?

Frederick: (still throwing up) Billions

Cruella: Can we afford it?

Frederick: No. (throws up again)

Cruella: Okay, we'll go to the banks and other businesses and steal some money so that we can afford it.

(Frederick is still throwing up)

Cruella: Get your ass over to the window and stick your head out, I can't have you getting my floor any dirtier

Frederick: But what about the people down below? Won't my barf get on-

Cruella: Never mind them. Aspies don't care, so do your business or you're fired.

(Frederick rushes up the set of stairs that goes behind Cruella's desk. There is a huge window behind it that has a great view of London. He opens it from the middle and sticks his head out and continues throwing up)

Some random person on the ground: Hey? Oh god, it's puke! Run!

(People outside start screaming as they run away from the building where Frederick is throwing up. Cruella smiles and faces Anita as Alonzo comes back with the mop and tub of floor soap)

Cruella: Sit down please?

(Anita places her sketch on the desk and sits down in a chair)

Cruella: Alonzo, bring me some tea.

Alonzo: But you told me to mop this up

Cruella: NOW!

Alonzo: Oh alright. Be right back

(He rushes out of the office)

Cruella: Frederick, I'm changing the theme back to stripes. I've changed my mind

(Frederick's tummy feels better all of a sudden and the nauseated feeling is gone too)

Frederick: (stars jumping around) Oh yippy I'm not sick anymore. Yahhhhoooo cawa bunga (he runs down the stairs and starts to leave the office but he steps in his own puke and falls down and it gets all over his clothes)

(Cruella grabs the mouth piece on her desk and says into the intercom) Clean up on level twelve, boss's office. Alonzo! (She lets go of the mouth piece and looks at Anita)

(Frederick gets up and looks at himself in disgust and then runs off)

Anita: But Cruella, I thought you liked my new-

Cruella: Oh darling, I had to make something up or he'd still be throwing up behind my back. The smell would drive me crazy and the screaming

Anita: Oh, Alright

Cruella: Now how long have you been working for me?

Anita: Uh, two years, uh three years, I don't know. Not for long I'd say

Cruella: Close enough and you've done wonderful fantastic work since then (Chew chew)

Anita: Gee thanks

Cruella: I don't see you socially do I? (chew chew)

Anita: Not until today

Cruella: And you're not very well know to despite your obvious talent

Anita: Yeah, I don't want to be famous. I do this for fun

(Then Alonzo comes back with the tea on the trolley and he pushes it up the small ramp that is on the set of stairs and pushes it to her desk. He takes the tray off and walks up another set of stairs to her desk and puts it down)

Cruella: Dude, there is only one cup, what about Anita? Didn't you bring one for her?

Anita: I don't want tea. I'm fine

(Alonzo grins and returns to the mess Frederick made and sees the puke has already been cleaned up. He shoots a confused look on his face as he looks at Cruella)

Cruella: Frederick cleaned it up with his body

Alonzo: (still looking at her confused)

Cruella: He slipped and fell on his own puke so his clothes made a good mop

(Alonzo grins some more and finishes the mopping and leaves the room with the tub and mop)

(Cruella continues her meeting with Anita)

Cruella: Your work is fresh and clean and it sells. One of these days the other business are going to try to steal you away from me when they see what splendid work you've done

Anita: Noooo, I don't want to leave. It wouldn't be for another job

Cruella: Oh really? What would it be for?

Anita: If I met a man of my dreams-

Cruella: Marriage?

Anita: Yeah

Cruella: But darling, you have talent. Don't go squandering it

Anita: I won't

(Cruella grabs the mouth piece again)

Cruella: Alonzo, to the boss's office. Now!

(She lets go of the mouth piece and pours herself some tea and sips it as she waits for Alonzo to return. Few minutes go by and he finally returns)

Cruella: The drawing

(Alonzo looks confused again. Uh. Gee what about it?)

(Yeah, what about the drawing? Anita thinks)

Cruella: (snapping) Take the drawing from Anita and give it to me. Is that difficult?

(Anita picks up her drawing as Alonzo rushes up to her. She hands it to him and he gives it to Cruella)

Cruella: (in an irritated tone) Thank you. Now go stand somewhere until I need you

(Alonzo stands in the corner just like he does in the movie)

Cruella: (looking at the drawing) Wow, I look so wonderful in spots but however I would like to make one small change

(Anita nods as Cruella takes her pen from the inkwell. She starts to add something to her drawing. Anita climbs up on her desk and leans over to see what she is doing but she still can't see it because her arms are in the way)

Cruella: Sit down darling

Anita: I want to see what you're doing

Cruella: You will see it after I'm done. This would be so stunning in fur

Anita: Can't we do it in linen

Cruella: No

Anita: But the fashion show is in April. Fur would be inappropriate

Cruella: But fur is my only true love darling. I live for fur, I wash for fur, all the other textures of clothing feels uncomfortable on me, but not fur. (finishes the drawing) Give it to Anita

(Anita climbs back down and stands)

(Alonzo rushes up to Cruella and takes the drawing and gives it to Anita. Anita looks at it and sees what Cruella did with her design. She had added a really short fur coat that goes down just below her butt. Cruella starts to giggle)

Cruella: This is rather amusing isn't it?

Anita: What is?

Cruella: When we make this coat, it would be like me wearing your dog (starts to laugh and Anita could see the chewed up tobacco in her mouth stuck to her teeth) ha ha ha ha. Woof woof woooooof woooof woof. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha (echo laughter occurs)


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay this was my favorite chapter of all time I wrote. If it weren't for my mother taking me to London, this chapter wouldn't have been this great. I saw all those great places that weren't in the movie and it gave me ideas for this chapter. Yes the black performer is real. He did it at Covent Garden when I was there. I dunno if he still does at the same location. He has been performing since 1987. No I am not prejudice. _

_I have decided to go back to that city for our honey moon if I can afford it. But my boyfriend still has to get his passport. _

* * *

Scene 4  
Pongo's Pursuit after a Bitch

(Pongo is sitting in some square next to a bike rack on a leash tied to the handle bars of Roger's bike. Then some lady walks up to him and says "Ah what a cute doggy. Oh coochy coochy coo." She scratches his chin but Pongo growls and barks at her and shows his teeth)

Lady: Aaaaahh! (and she runs off)

(Pongokeeps barking after her as she runs off and then he sees something else in front of his eyes. Another Dalmatian and she is attached to a red leash that is being held in the young lady's attractive hand who looks like she is seventeen instead of a grown up in her late twenties. Who is that dog and her owner? They are Anita and Perdy. Duh. Anita is riding on a bike that looks like a child's bike but big and the color of it is pink and white. It has flowers painted on all over it and in front of the handle bars is a big pink basket that is attached to it and Anita is wearing a black coat and a red long shirt under it and black leggings just like from the movie unfortunately except she is wearing panty hose under her pants instead of knee highs and she is wearing Mary Jane shoes. Pongo looks at Perdy and Perdy looks back at him and they stare until they can't see each other anymore. Pongo starts to run but the leash chokes him so it pulls him back to the bike rack and he falls on his back against Roger's bike. Then Roger finally comes out of the building to the square. He is wearing nice clothes…uh not really, they don't even match)

Roger: Oh good boy for guarding my bike. (Looks at his watch) Oh dear, I took so long in there, I hope you didn't mind waiting out here for me for two hours. (Unlocks his bike from the rack) One day so soon, I hope I will get one of my games sold and then we'll get ourselves a car and hit Las Vegas. Oh wait a minute. That's in the USA and I'm in England so that's across the river. I would have to fly over or take a boat. Oh wait, yes I can, I'll take my car over there too by boat or plane.

Pongo: Woof woof (jumps up and down trying to rush Roger to get on his bike so they could leave)

Roger: Calm down boy. I hope no one out here gave you any crack. You weren't begging for food again were you? (he gets on the bike finally and starts to peddle. Pongo takes off)

Roger: Whoa

(Pongo and Roger go by a bunch of homosexuals since they're in the Soho area and homosexuals hang out there in that area of London. Bunch of them run out of the way as they go by. Then they end up in the Covent Garden area. Pongo runs through the market and people run out of the way and Pongo drags Roger though Apple Market too as well and the people running the booths and the shoppers run out of the way too. Then Pongo drags Roger by St. Pauls church and the crowd of people in front of it who's watching some black guy perform races out of the way too and Roger's bike knocks some of them off their feet. Roger keeps yelling at his dog the whole time through)

Black guy performer: Hey Jesus Christ man, control that dog of yours

Roger: Pongo Pongo!

(Pongo pulls Roger down a narrow road that leads to Leicester Square. People race out of the way and cars slam on their breaks with some angry drivers yelling at him inside the car but Roger doesn't hear them because the windows are up)

(Anita rides her bike through Leicester Square)

Some police officer standing in the square: (blows his whistle at Anita) Hey lady, you can't cycle through here, didn't you read the sign on the fence before you entered?

(Anita ignores him. There aren't much people here, she thinks. She passes the movie theater as she leaves the square)

(Then Roger and Pongo finally reach the square and as they go by Pizza Hut, the pizza guy walks out of there to deliver a few boxes of pizza some big family ordered and then Roger and Pongo swoop by him and the guy loses his balance and falls down and the boxes goes flying up in the air and lands on him and he is covered with pizza)

Pizza guy: Oy! (to Roger)

Roger: Pongo, slow down. Slow down Pongo

(Pongo pulls him in the square and people run out of the way and some guy on roller skates is in Pongo's way so he crashes against the Charlie Chaplin statue. Then Roger gets an idea in his head. Why didn't I think of it before? he thinks. So he puts on his breaks but they still didn't stop Pongo from running and the breaks break off his bike and land on the ground

Roger: Oh crap. Pongo, slow down boy.

Police officer: Hey, you can't cycle through here. (Blows his whistle at him but Roger says nothing)

(Pongo pulls him out of the square and people race out of the way. Roger keeps yelling at his dog)

(Anita rides her bike through Trafalgar Square and there are a bunch of people there having a social gathering. They are not happy about Anita riding through there though their crowd with her dog so they give her dirty looks but Anita doesn't notice and some of them start to sneeze since they're allergic to dogs]

Some guy: Get that dog of yours out of here! We're having a social gathering here. Didn't you read the sign? (Anita doesn't pay attention to him. She keeps on peddling)

Some guy again: Oy, I'm talking to you

Some lady: I think she's deaf

Some other lady: Or maybe she didn't know you were talking to her

(Outside the square on the sidewalk, Pongo is still pulling Roger and the people in the square see him yelling at his dog and people standing on the sidewalk look at him. Some middle aged man laughs at him. Pongo pulls Roger out onto the street and cars slam on their breaks and some crash into each other. Even a double Decker bus does a sharp turn to avoid hitting Roger so it tilts and falls down on another car and people inside get hurt)

(Anita rides her bike through Piccadilly Circus. She rides around the fountain and leaves. A few minutes later, Pongoand Roger arrive there too. Cars slam on their breaks and people run out of the way, even a lady drops her shopping bags and leaves them out in the middle of the street when she runs because cars were coming towards her)

Roger: Pongo, stop. When we get home, I'm going to kill you for this bastard. Pongo stop

(Pongo then pulls him down the stairs to the underground. People run out of the way dropping their things. Then Pongoruns up another set of stairs that lead above the underground. People run out of the way and lose their balance so they fall down the stairs. Pongo pulls Roger out of the circus and pulls him up Regent Street. People run out of the way and cars slam on their breaks and then Pongo turns and runs onto another street and before Roger knows it, he is being pulled past the Royal Arts of Academy and then a big blue lorry drives onto the road and Roger yells "Turn" and as the lorry turns, Pongo turns and pulls him into the Burlington Arcade. But however, because the lorry did a real sharp turn, the back of it falls down and lands on a few people who were in the way so they died. Meanwhile in the arcade, people are jumping out of the way, literally, and a man who was busking, gets knocked over by one of Roger's handlebars)

Some man in the arcade: Oh shia (meaning to say "shit")

(Roger turns his bike to prevent knocking another person down)

Police officer in the arcade: (Blowing his whistle) Stop stop stop, you can't ride through here (Reaches out to grab him but he misses thanks to Pongo)

(Pongo pulls Roger out of the arcade and down Piccadilly Road. Cars crash into each other and some are injured. Ambulances are being heard in the city due to many accidents thanks to Pongo. He pulls Roger down St James street and more cars crash and more people die and then he is being pulled down the mall and Buckingham guards are marching and they race out of the way and even Queen Elizabeth's II carriage gets knocked over because the horses get scared so they start to runs and the person who is holding onto the ropes that are attached to them do a sharp turn for some reason and causes the carriage to fall over but luckily the queen is okay but now she is trapped)

Roger: Pongo! Pongo!

(Then he is pulled off The Mall and Pongo drags him away from St. James Park)

(Anita is riding her bike away from the park as well and Perdy starts to act different. She keeps whimpering and slowing down and Anita noticed she is dragging her dog on the ground)

Anita: Get up dog

(Perdy gets up and takes a few more steps and sits down again and lies on her back. Anita noticed she is dragging her dog again)

Anita: Okay fine, to the park

(Pongo is still pulling Roger behind him and more accidents have occurred and so have more deaths and injuries and more ambulances are being heard. Then Pongo pulls him down a set of stairs with some monument on the top of them but sorry I do not know what the stairs are called, nor the monument. Roger is making a sound people make when they're being electrocuted. Then Pongo heads for the park again. When they reach the park, a new thought pops into Roger's head)

(Doh, why didn't I think of this before? So he lets go of his leash and Pongo runs off but Roger is still going. He cannot stop his bike. He heads onto the grass and he is dragging his feet on the ground trying to stop his bike but then he sees a bench in front of him with two old ladies sitting on it.)

Roger: Aaaah, oh no oh no, ahhhh (and he crashes into the bench and he flies up in the air and his screams sounds like the screams from AAhh Real Monsters! and then he lands in the pond)

Lady #1 on the bench: I don't think he wanted to do that

Lady #2 on the bench: No, of course he did. Look how he went screaming as he went into the pond

Lady #1: That was yelling for fear you ignoramus bubble head

Lady #2: No he was yelling with excitement like people do on rides

(The two ladies keep arguing as Roger gets out of the pond)

Roger: (saying to the ladies) I didn't want to do this

Lady #1: See I was right, he didn't want to do it

Lady #2: No, you said you don't think he wanted to do it so therefore you weren't right because you weren't sure

Lady #1: No, 'I don't think' means the same thing as saying 'he didn't want to do that'

(Roger gets his bike and starts looking for his dog)

(Further down the pond, Anita brings her bike out on the grass and puts down her kickstand)

Anita: Okay we're here, here we are.

Perdy: Woof woof

Anita: Oh no, shut up (and throws the Mighty King kids club football from Burger King in the USA back in the early 1990's)

Anita: Okay, go get the ball, go get it

(Perdy runs after it as Pongo walks up to them and sits down next to Anita's bike. He sees her bring it back)

Anita: Drop the ball

(Perdy drops the ball)

Anita: Good girl, now let's go

Perdy: Woof woof

Anita: Oh alright (throws the ball again)

(Meanwhile Roger is riding his bike around the park looking for his dog. He is riding his bike in circles as he is riding down the path because his bike is so twisted it won't go straight anymore so it will only turn now)

Roger: Pongo

(He didn't look good himself because all his clothes were wet and snot was dripping out of his nose due to being cold and he had lost both of his shoes, so all he had was stocking feet now)

Roger: Pongo

(People are looking at him as they walk by but Roger doesn't care because he is too angry at his dog)

Roger: (muttering quietly to himself) When I get my hands on that dog, I am going to take him home and whip him into shape, literally. I will just get out a rope and hit him with it for doing this to me

(Then he sees him. He is running after a ball being thrown by an attractive teenager-er adult in her late twenties. Roger shakes his head and gets off his bike and tries to put down his kickstand but it won't budge because it was rusted into the metal of his bike so he forces it down but instead it breaks off and flies up in the air and hits a random person who was walking by. He falls down and stays there due to being knocked out)

Roger: Huh, must be nap time for that fella

(Anita throws the ball as far as she could and the ball goes way far out to the trees. Perdy runs after it and Pongo barks. Anita hears a bark behind her and she walk up to him. She notices he still has the blue leash attached to his collar)

Anita: Hey, what are you doing here without an owner?

(She kneels down and pets Pongo just like she does in the movie)

(Roger puts his bike against the bench and walks onto the grass. He runs after Perdy thinking it's his dog. He jumps on top of her and picks her up. Perdy wiggles around trying to get free from him and she growls too)

Roger: Oh man, where is your collar but don't worry I wouldn't mind calling a dog catcher and take you back to my flat for me since you're too heavy

(Anita had just gotten through reading Pongo's identification tag when she saw Roger carrying her dog)

Anita: LET GO OF THAT DOG

(Roger turns around and sees her running up to him)

Roger: (rolls eyes) Stay out of this lady

Anita: Let go of that dog or I'll kick you in the face

Roger: today is not a good day to threaten me ma'am

Anita: I don't care if it's a good day or a bad day, I'll kick you nonetheless

Roger: Whatever (keeps on walking)

(Anita gets in a karate position)

Anita: Okay, I've given you a good proper warning!

(Roger turns around and faces her)

Roger: Listen!

(Anita jumps up in the air with her feet sticking out and then the screen freezes. Then it unfreezes and her feet hit Roger in the face. He goes down and Perdy is free)

Anita: (gets in her karate position again) Now release the bitch or I'll kick you again but this time in the you know where and it will hurt more

(Roger looks up at her)

Roger: The bitch?

Anita: Yes it's my bitch, will you let her go?

(Roger looks at Perdy)

Roger: Excuse me miss if you don't mind (and he lifts up her back leg and looks under her. Pongo's jaw drops open. Roger puts down Perdy's leg and looks up at Anita again) It really is a bitch

Anita: Duh, couldn't you tell by looking at it. Don't tell me you don't know what your own dog looks like. It's not that hard or unless you're stupid. Are you stupid?

(Roger sees Pongo behind Anita's legs just like in the movie)

Roger: Hello Pongo

(He gets up and grabs his leash)

Roger: Sorry ma'am my mistake. Where did you learn how to kick like that? Karate class?

Anita: (replying to Roger as she puts Perdy on her leash) Oh no, _The Matrix_. I've been seeing that movie and every time I see that movie, I just go home and practice it

Roger: And how many times have you watched it so far?

Anita: Uhhh uhhhhh three

Roger: Oh three. Oh man, I must be really stupid. I should have guessed that

Anita: (starring at Roger's wet clothes) Why are you all wet?

Roger: I went swimming in the pond

Anita: Oh my god, you shouldn't have, it has duck shit in it. You can see it floating on top of the water

Roger: Yes and it tastes like sewage

Anita: And um you lost your shoes, did you know that?

(Roger looks down at his feet)

Roger: I do now. I wonder where they went to?

Anita: Gosh, you must be really stupid. You went swimming in a dirty pond and you didn't know you lost your shoes and then you mistook my dog for your dog

Roger: Actually, I crashed my bike in the pond and nothing about me was injured but thanks to you, I have something injured now

(Roger and Anita laugh a little)

Roger: (holds out his hand) Well it was nice getting my ass kicked by you miss

Anita: My name's Anita (shakes his hand) And yours is Roger. I read it on your dog's identification tag

Roger: Oh yes, right. Nice meeting you. I'm sorry if I scared you

Anita: Oh no that's fine since we both seem to love Dalmatians

Roger: Yes

(Both of them see their dogs getting acquainted)

Roger: And they both seem to love each other

(Roger and Anita stare at each other for a few more minutes)

Roger: Well Pongo, your roving eyes caused me enough trouble for one day. Come with me and we'll go home (walks away from Anita and Perdy)

Anita: Are you sure you'll be alright, perhaps you should call your doctor?

Roger: No I'll be fine, good luck with _The Matrix_

Anita: If you have a concussion, you shouldn't ignore it

(Roger gets his bike and lays it on the ground and tries to get it straight again by pushing the back wheel with his foot)

Perdy: Woof woof woof

Pongo: Woof woof woof

Anita: Shut up

(They both watch Roger trying to flatten out his bike)

Roger: Pongo, you could have gotten me killed you know that. It's a good thing other people got killed instead or hurt. You risked your master's life to have sex with a bitch but you've failed.

(Then Roger stops a group of teenage boys and asks them to stomp on his bike to get it straight)

One of them: Sure no problem

(They all push on Roger's wheels with their hands and feet. They even stomp on it too and then the bike is finally straight again and so is the metal)

Roger: Thanks you guys for the help

One of them: Sure no problem, hope to see you soon

(They walk away as Roger gets on his bike holding onto Pongo's leash)

Anita: Jolly nice human don't you think

Perdy: Woof (and nods her head)


	5. Chapter 5

_Another one of my favorite chapters. It it weren't for visiting St. James Park and Green Park, this chapter wouldn't have been this great. _

_I was never sure what the park was in the movie after St James Park. I assumed Green Park but the park looked so different when I was there. Oh well I decided they went to Green Park in this story._

* * *

Scene 5  
Anita's Turn To Swim

(Roger is in Green Park with Pongo. For some reason it is foggy in that park and people are out riding their bikes anyway and rollerblading or roller skating or just running or just hanging out)

Roger: Idiots aren't born Pongo pretty girls come and make them smart

(Then they hear a barking in a far off distance)

Anita: Perdy, stop barking

(Roger and Pongo turn around and seeing Anita riding her girly bike on another pathway with Perdy trotting beside her. Anita looks at him and waves and keeps on riding. Roger starts to peddle his bike again with Pongo walking beside him. They go up to a pathway circus where bunch of men are dressed up in black and white uniforms playing their instruments. They were playing "Cannon D." People are circled around them watching and some are sitting in chairs that belong to the park. Yeah, those green and white ones. Then Anita arrives to the circle and rides around them too. Roger sees her and then she sees him. They look at each other a few more times. Pongo gets excited about the whole thing so he starts to have a little climax)

Pongo: Woo woo woof

Roger: You have it all wrong Pongo, I am just riding my bike around this little circle of men in their gay little uniforms just to dry off. This has nothing to do with Alicia, Anika, Ane-whatever her name is. (Then he leaves the circle)

(Anita, however is still riding her bike around the men who are playing their instruments still playing that same song, then she notices Roger and his dog are missing but she keeps riding around them anyway hoping to see him again but she never finds him. Then she takes a deep breath and sighs and her breath freezes in the air and falls down since it was that cold out. Then her dog barks and starts to run)

Anita: Perdy, what are doing?

(Roger and Pongo had reached St. James Park again and they were going down that little hill in front of Buckingham Palace. But because Roger doesn't have any breaks, his bike picks up speed but not Pongo. So he uses his feet to slow his bike down but they go on fire because of the friction)

(Perdy pulls Anita across The Mall and cars slam on their breaks but luckily no one is hurt, nor their cars)

Anita: Perdy, what're you doing? Slow down

(Perdy then pulls her onto the pathway where Roger was going down on)

Anita: Perdy, stop!

(Roger is at the bottom of the hill finally and then he notices something warm on his feet so he looks down and sees his feet are on fire so he jumps in the pond again to get the fire out)

Anita: Stop, Perdy.

(Perdy keeps on running down the hill and Anita is still holding onto her leash. People run out of the way and onto the grass)

Anita: PUUUURRRRDDDDDEEEEEEE!

(Roger finally hears her screaming so he turns around and sees her Dalmatian running and she is heading towards the pond)

Roger: Let go of the leash!

(Anita lets go and Perdy runs off and stops at the bottom of the hill and reunites with Pongo but Anita is still going at high speed)

Roger: TURN!

(Anita sees she is heading for the pond so she puts on her breaks but they make the skidding sound and they break off and then her front wheel hits the black railing at is on the outside of the pond that is on the edge of the pathway. She flies up in the air and does a summer salt in the air and lands in the water on her butt while her bike goes in the pond too as well and her front wheel is wrecked. People gawk at them. Anita struggles in the water)

Anita: Oh god I can't swim! Help!

(She is splashing around in the pond trying to keep her head above water. Roger just stands there in the pond as well watching her panic)

Anita: Help! I'm drowning! Rogggggerrrrr!

Roger: It's shallow. You can stand up in it

(But Anita doesn't listen to him. She continues struggling in the water and then her head finally goes under. Pongo and Perdy just stand on the pathway licking each other's faces)


	6. Chapter 6

_Goody, six chapters all in one day so far. _

_Actually I wrote this parody a few years ago and had it posted on my own story forum. Then I decided to post it here. I have wanted to in the past but was never sure if this be appropriate. Now that there is the M rating, I finally posted it here._

* * *

Scene 6  
Cup of Marriage

(Fire is burning in the fireplace and the clothes are up on the screen with the shoes in front of it. Pongo and Perdy are lying in front of it snuggled up against each other)

Anita: Oh, thank you for rescuing me, it was so exciting.

Roger: The pond was very shallow. I keep telling you that

Anita: And you even kissed me. That was so sweet of you. I have never been kissed before

Roger: That wasn't a kiss. Is your true hair color blond?

Anita: No I'm a brunette. It was so sweet of you to give me a kiss

Roger: Hello, that wasn't a kiss. That was mouth to mouth recitation because you thought you were drowning in two feet, so I had to pull you out of there and lay you on the ground and people watched us all

(The screen finally shows Roger and Anita sitting on the sofa in his flat drinking tea and they're both wearing different clothing. Anita is wearing a blue shirt just like in the movie and Roger is wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt just like in the movie as well. Roger has an ice bag on his face where Anita kicked him. The fire continues to burn in the fireplace)

Anita: Ohhhh. Darn it. I was so close to getting kissed by a guy

Roger: I don't kiss teenagers

Anita: I'm not a teenager. I'm twenty-seven

Roger: Doh, I thought you were seventeen

Anita: Grrr, everyone thinks I'm that young until they find out how old I'm really am and then they're shocked

Roger: Oh good, you're a grown up. I thought you were a kid. You had your arms around my neck so I couldn't get up

Anita: Sorry, I thought you were kissing me (sips her tea)

Roger: No that's fine, now that I know now you're an adult

Anita: Well you are very good at rescuing, you should be a life guard

Roger: Really?

Anita: Yeah. You'd make a really good life guard on the beach or at a swimming pool

Roger: Thank you

(Now I have something to be good at finally, he thinks. He puts down the ice bag and looks at their dogs. Pongo is licking Perdy's clit)

Roger: Oh look at that

(Anita looks at them and sees Pongo licking her dog)

Roger: I think they're having sex

Anita: Dogs don't have sex

Roger: Oh sure they do or there wouldn't be any puppies. All animals have sex just like we do

Anita: Oh, I guess you aren't dumb after all. Now I'm the dumb one

Roger: Houston, I think we have a problem

Anita: Who's Houston? That isn't my name

Roger: I know that, it was a figure of speech I made up. I think my dog is in love

Anita: I didn't know they fall in love. Cool. (Sees her dog snuggling up against Pongo)

Anita: Oh, I think mine is too. This is so cool

Roger: No it's not

Anita: It isn't? Why?

Roger: Because they're going to be so sad when you leave. Their hearts will be broken

Anita: (sounding like princess Toadstool from _Mario Party_) Ohh noooo. I don't want a broken hearted Dalmatian. I want it to stay in good condition

Roger: That's a figure of speech too except I didn't make it up this time

Anita: (sighing with relief) Oh good, I don't think I would want to live with a very sad dog

Roger: Yes, they go crazy when they're apart. Didn't you see what they did to us today?

Anita: Yeah. Perdy wrecked my bike

Roger: And Pongo caused deaths and accidents all over the Westminster area and he wrecked my bike and I had to have a bunch of teens fix it

Anita: I remember seeing that. (puts her cup down) We better think of something

Roger: Yeah, do you want another cup of marriage?

Anita: What?!

Roger: Do you want another cup of tea?

Anita: You didn't say that

Roger: Yes I did

Anita: No you didn't

Roger: Yes I did

Anita: No you did not

Roger: I did tooooo!

Anita: Noooo you didn't. You said "marrriaggggeeee"

Roger: Noooooo I diiiiiid noooooot!

Anita; Yeeeeeeees you diiiiiiiiid!

Roger: No I diiiiiiidnnnnn't

Anita: Yesssssssss yoooooooouuuuuu diiiiiiid!

Roger: Okay, I'm tired of arguing. Do you want another cup of tea or not?

Anita: (starring at him) I do

Roger: You do?

Anita: I will

Roger: You will?

Anita: If you ask me

Roger: Whaaaaat? We just met today and we're already in love? Holy crap, this is creepy.

Anita: Dude, it's in the script. We're supposed to get married right away and right now, you have to ask me 'Would you.' If you don't like it, complain to John Hughes about it. He's the one who wrote it

Roger: No, Spokane Girl is the one who wrote it. She's rewritten the whole thing and she is having us do crazy things like having us abuse our dogs, making me the worst game designer-

Anita: And you also asked me 'Would you' in the real movie so why are you making a big deal out of it now?

Roger: (slaps himself on the forehead) You're right, I did ask that in the original script. Okay back to the movie. Would you?

Anita: (nods) Yes

(They lean closer and then they finally kiss. As they are kissing, their clothes get caught on fire and Pongo stands up and puts it out by pissing on them)


	7. Chapter 7

_Nothing to say about this chaper really_

Scene 7  
Cruella's Gift

(A wedding is held not too long later. Roger and Anita are in a tiny church standing on the altar holding hands. Roger is wearing something nice finally, a black tuxedo and it all matches and Anita is wearing a fancy shmancy white wedding dress and it is soo long, most of it drags on the ground and she is wearing a veil too as well. The congregation is standing in the mews and not one of them is dressed nicely due to short notice of the wedding so they all rushed into getting things ready. They rushed to the train station and some rushed to their cars and they all went to London. Some lived in London fortunately, so they all hoped on the underground and went to the wedding. There is some choir from a high school standing behind the minister holding music in their hands while the minister is saying things from the book. Unfortunately, he is saying the same things just like in the movie. Anita is smiling at Roger and she is making a sucking sound with her mouth and it sounds like Maggie sucking on her dummy from The Simpsons. Roger smiles back then he turns his head for some reason. He catches something in his eyesight so he signals Anita)

Anita: (mouthing) What?

(Roger glances his eyes left and Anita looks right and then looks back at him and smiles. What was she smiling about? Their dogs, Pongo and Perdy, were sitting near the doorway in the aisle all dressed up too as well. Pongo is wearing a cute tuxedo designed for a dog and Perdy is wearing a white dress with pearls on it that is designed for a dog to wear. She even had a veil on her head too)

Minister: ....I now pronounce them man and wife. Amen

Congregation: Amen

Minister: You may now kiss the bride

(Roger lifts the veil out of Anita's face while Pongo does the same with Perdy's except he's using his mouth to lift it out of her face. Anita and Roger kiss while Pongo and Perdy lick each other. Outside the doors are a bunch of dogs sitting in the grass in front of the church watching Pongo and Perdy getting married. They all start to bark.

Congregation dogs: Woof woof wooof woof woof woof woof

Some person driving by and is very disturbed by all the barking: Shut the hell up

(Throws a beer bottle at them and none of them pay attention to it. They just keep on barking)

* * *

(In some run down area in London, a crappy old lorry pulls onto the street. In the background are a bunch of homeless people circled around an old barrel having a campfire in it roasting dirty old marshmallows they dug out of some trash can. The lorry stops in front of some run down store. The engine turns off and two men get out. One is very thin and one is fat so he looks round. They're names are Jasper and Horace)

Jasper: Now let me tell you about this Stinker guy before we meet him

(They walk up to the door)

Jasper: When he was quite young, his house got caught on fire and left him brutally scared all over and damaged his vocal cords leaving him mute. Leaving smoke damage on his skin, he cannot get the smell out at all (Knocks on the door) Now, there are two things you must not do to Stinker and they're very important. One: don't look at the horrendous scars on his body. Two: Don't talk to him or you will make him mad. You understand, don't look at him and don't say a word.

Horace: (Salutes him) Yes sir

Jasper: I'm no sir

(The door opens and there stand Mr. Stinker)

Horace: (eyes balls pop out of his head) Holy mackerel. Ooohhhmmmyyyy, look at those awful scares. (Grabs his nose) Oh, and that smell is awful too. Now bloody wonder you can't get the smell out mate

(Mr. Stinker gives him a look and narrows his eyes and reaches his hands out but Jasper puts a stop to it)

Jasper: Oh sorry about that so excuse me just a minute (closes the door and a kicking sound is heard and the door opens again and Horace his grabbing himself down there you know where open mouth 'ahhing' with pain)

(Mr. Stinker opens a door to a cupboard and pulls out a black brief case. Japer picks up one of the tools he uses to skin animals)

Jasper: Wow, nice tools you have here Mr. Stinker

(Mr. Stinker gives him some look as Horace is standing next to a counter looking at the dead fish in the aquarium)

Horace: This stuff gives me the creeps. All the guts and the blood and the-

(Jasper gives him a kick in the butt with his foot and his face smashes into the aquarium and all the dirty water comes out around his neck and onto the floor as. Mr. Stinker brings the suitcase over to Jasper as he puts the tool down)

Jasper: Thank you sir. It was nice meeting you

Horace: Can someone please help me get my head out of this tank? I'm stuck

* * *

(The crappy lorry pulls up to a mansion that is made out of bricks. The manor looks the same just like in the movie except above the front door says, Da Slut)

(Inside the mansion in Da Slut's room, Cruella is in bed having sex with one of her men. Cruella is lying down while the guy is sitting on top of her humping her)

Cruella: Oh this feels good. Ooo boy, I feel it coming, keep going keep going

(Then she picks up the Independent newspaper and looks at it, then her eyes glue to the front page. It was a picture of Roger and Anita standing in front of the church with their dogs in front of them in their wedding clothes. Above the picture, the headline reads, _Mr. Roger Dearly Marries Ms. Anita Campbell-Green_)

Cruella: How could she do this to me? (Throws the paper aside)

(The man stops humping her and he gets up and picks up the paper and looks at the front page)

Man: Wow baby, this chick here looks so cute in that wonderful wedding dress but too bad her boobs aren't as big as yours and too bad she isn't a prostitute. I'd pick her instead

Cruella: What? You think she is better than me. So you would pick her to hook up with instead of me? You're out of here (takes his money off his night stand and throws it at him)

Man: Hey, why'd you throw this at me for?

Cruella: Get out (tosses his clothes at him and puts a piece of tobacco in her mouth) Move move move

(The guy gathers his clothes and Cruella kicks him out of her room literally. She spits her tobacco out at him and slams her bedroom doors)

(Alonzo is leading Jasper and Horace to her room and then they see the guy putting his clothes back on. Alonzo stops in shock)

Horace: Wow, look at the size of your penis

(Jasper punches him in the stomach with his elbow. Horace grabs it in open mouth with pain)

Jasper: Sorry about that man. My partner here tends to make bad remarks but I'm teaching him not to you see

(The guy holds his hand up with three fingers up and one finger touching the tip of his thumb thanking him)

(Alonzo leads the guys by him and knocks on the door to Da Slut's Room)

(Cruella is getting dressed and then she pushes the button to the intercom)

Cruella: Who is it?

Alonzo: Alonzo sir with two men here to see you. They said you were-

Cruella: Send them in

(Walks away from the intercom and finishes getting dressed as Alonzo leads the men into her room. Horace's head is still wet from the aquarium and he has blood all over his neck and face from the glass and the top of his shirt is wet too)

(Cruella comes into the area where she rests where Alonzo and the men are just like in the movie)

Jasper: Morning ma'am

Cruella: (angrily) Sit

(Jasper sits down)

Cruella: (to Horace) You too, sit

(Horace sits down)

Alonzo: Would you like some tea?

Jasper: Yes please

(Alonzo leaves the room and gets the tea ready in the kitchen on the main floor)

Jasper: It's sure such a lovely day. Nice sky, people walking and riding to work, children going to school with their mummies and daddies, birds flying…

(But Cruella isn't listening to what he is saying, she just sits in her lovely fur sofa chewing away)

Jasper: ....we were in this dreadful area where it was dark and no light and people in dirty clothing…

Cruella: This topic is sooo borrring (sighing as she waves her hand in front of her face)

(Alonzo comes back with the tray of tea on it with two tea cups. He puts it on the coffee table in front of Jasper and Horace. He pours Jasper his tea)

Horace: (holding his cup after he picks it up) I want some too sir

(Alonzo pours him a cup and steps out of the way. He stands in front of the doorway)

Jasper: Well I brought something for you from Mr. Stinker

Horace: What about me? I came with

(Jasper ignores him. He takes out the brief case as Cruella gets up and covers her eyes. Jasper opens the briefcase and Cruella uncovers her eyes and gawks at the gift)

Cruella: Oh, it's magnificent. Alonzo, stand outside

(Alonzo opens the door and leaves the hall

Cruella: I meant out in the hall, not outside you idiot

(Alonzo comes back and closes the door and waits out in the hall in front of the doorway)

Cruella: This is so wonderful. How beauty (takes the gift out and it's the Siberian Bird that was killed in the zoo. The feathers are there and the wing and the head and the rest of the skin except for the feet of course and the eyes and the insides)

(Cruella brings the bird fur to the mirror and puts it over her shoulder)

Cruella: Finally I have you finally. I've been wanting one of you for months so I hired someone to come out and get you after I read you were in the zoo

Jasper: Siberian birds a very rare you know ma'am

Cruella: Duh, I already knew, that's why I wanted the bird (Wraps the fur around her neck) Mirror mirror on the wall. Who is the fairest of them all? (Makes the bird's beak move) You are

Horace: I thought it was "one of all?" Not "of them all?"

(Jasper tosses his tea cup at him and it hits him in the head. It knocks him out so he falls out of his chair and lies on the floor)


	8. Chapter 8

Scene 8  
The Visit from Da Slut

(A car drives through a fancy schmansy neighborhood. It drives by a little brick house with two windows on the main level and a door on the left side and three windows on the first level just like in the movie)

Inside the little home:

Nanny: I remember you were always very good at coloring when you were a little girl

(Nanny is talking to Anita as she is hanging a fuzzy poster up on the wall in a picture frame)

Nanny: ..and now to be with you again as you start a family on your own is like a dream come true

(Anita looks at another fuzzy poster in her arms she is holding in another picture frame)

Anita: No Nanny (Bends down and kisses her on the lips)

(Nanny is so short Anita has to bend)

Anita: (saying as she walks into the living room) I don't think Roger and I are ready to have more people in this little house

(Nanny is so fat she has to squeeze through the door to get in the living room as Anita puts the picture frame in the kitchen)

Nanny: Oh that's too bad. Oh well. First the puppies, then the babies (saying that as Anita looks at the two photos of her dog)

Anita: (looks up) What?

* * *

(Roger is upstairs in his new office working on his game. Pongo is sitting in a chair next to him)

Roger: Okay, I have finally gotten better now Pongo, when this villain comes up, you will run from the room in a panic

(Roger finishes typing and hits a key. The picture shows on the other monitor of a Dalmatian running. The graphics indeed are better but they are still bad. This time they look like the 8-bit graphics. The dog steps into the cave and a fat guy comes in holding a baseball bat)

Villain: I'm gonna torture you, grrrrr

(Roger looks at Pongo but finds him sleeping in the chair instead because he was sooo bored by the game. Roger lets out a sigh)

(Anita is sitting in the kitchen at the table with Nanny paring an apple using an old fashioned razor blade)

Nanny: But it's unmistakable dear

(She and Anita had both been arguing about rather Perdy is going to have puppies or not)

Anita: Prove it

Nanny: Look at her. Notice how tranquil she is. She is so tired and pooped out and though you might not see it, she is living for others as well, she's eating more

(Anita shakes her head and takes a bite from her apple)

Nanny: Look at her facial expression. It's a facial expression all women get when she know she is going to be a mother and notice how fat her tummy is and how far down her nipples hang and they drip milk

(Anita sighs and then she finally agrees with Nanny. Perdy gets up and leaves her doggy basket and walks up to Anita)

Anita: I think you're right Nanny. I think she does look different

(She feels her nipples and she gets milk on her fingers. Then Nanny noticed a change in Anita. Her tummy is sticking out a little bit like she needs sit ups)

Nanny: Oh my

(Anita's eyes widen)

Anita: What's wrong Nanny?

(Nanny looks at Perdy and she nods and Nanny nods in agreement)

Nanny: Anita, I think you're getting fat

(Anita's jaw drops)

Nanny: Just look at your tummy. Are you over eating?

(Anita looks down and sees that her tummy has gotten bigger)

Anita: What? Oh no, I really am getting fat

(Her eyes roll to the back of her head as she falls out of her chair with a thud as the chair under Nanny's weight collapse and she lands on the kitchen floor)

* * *

(Anita is out seeing a doctor about her weight problems. Roger stands on the sidewalk waiting and he is holding the leashes in his hand. Pongo and Perdy are in another building seeing a vet. Then the door to the vet office opens as the door to the doctor's office opens too. Anita and the dogs both walk out with their doctors)

Anita: Thank you so much (shakes the doctor's hand)

Doctor: I'm glad I cleared up the wrong fact about you

Vet: See you soon after you have your babies (shaking Perdy's paw)

(Anita turns around and kisses Roger and the doctor walks back in the building)

(Roger gives Anita her dog leash)

Roger: So?

Anita: Nanny was wrong. I am not getting fat, we're going to have a baby

Roger: You're pregnant? That's wonderful. Wait we never had sex-oh wait a minute, we did on my couch, the day we met in the park

Anita: I remember (saying it as she and Roger put their dogs on their leashes and they walk home)

* * *

(The Da Sluts car is parked in front of Roger and Anita's house when they come around the corner)

Anita: Thirty-four years ago-(gasps when she sees the car) (sounding like Princess Toadstool) Ohhhh noooooo

Roger: What's wrong?

(Roger and Anita open the door and come inside. Anita takes off her coat and hangs it up but she doesn't know she missed the hook so it falls on the floor. She takes off her hat as she comes to the living room and her hair is all frizzy due to the static electricity.  
She sees Cruella standing at her secretary gawking at her sketches)

Anita: Cruella?

(Cruella turns around and sees her standing in the doorway)

Cruella: Anita my darling

(Anita and Cruella walk up to each other and she gives Anita a kiss on the cheek)

(Roger is in the room too when he sees it and so are their dogs)

Pongo: Woof

(Cruella looks down and sees the dogs. Pongo growls at her)

Cruella: Oh Anita, those nice spotted dogs. You have a pretty bitch there and the other dog is a pretty bastard

Anita: Bastard isn't a male dog. It's an illegitimate child. There is no word for male dogs

Cruella: (to Roger) And you must be Rooooooofus (Sounding like a werewolf as she says the name)

Roger: No, it's Roger and it's a pleasure to meet you Ms. Da Slut (holds out his hand)

Cruella: Uh, what does pleasure mean?

Roger: Uh happy to meet you so we're supposed to shake hands

Cruella: Oh that is so cute, I wish I could shake your hand (turns to Anita) Tell me darling, you married him for his dog? (starts to laugh as she sits down on the sofa)

(Anita looks at Roger in embarrassment)

Anita: (mouthing) No I didn't

Roger: (mouthing back) Yes you did, we both did

Anita: Oh darlin' I've missed you so. I hate that you've taken leave

Anita: (to Cruella) But I'm still working and you've been getting my sketches (saying it as she takes off her snow suit and her scarf and gloves and sits down)

Cruella: It's not the same. I miss all the interaction

Anita: We only talked once. That was when you saw my new design remember?

Cruella: Oh right. Well it's not the same. Frederick kept throwing up everyday when he saw you weren't there, so I had to fire him because I will not have my employees turn into mops. Now I need a new sycophant thanks to you

(Roger takes the dogs of their leashes and hangs them on the banister and comes back in the living room. He sits down on the arm of the chair where Anita is sitting. He can tell Cruella is a prostitute due to the way she is dressed)

Cruella: What is it that you do to support Anita?

Roger: I design video games

Cruella: Video games? You've got to be kidding?

Anita: Oh no he's not. He really makes them and he's getting better at it everyday

Roger: Now I can finally make them 16-bit now. Now I need to try to make them 3-D

Cruella: Those awful things children play on their televisions where they learn how to be violent. Someone designs them. What a waste of your career

Roger: Did Anita tell you the news?

Anita: Ssh don't tell her (tries to shut him up but Roger pulls her hands away)

Roger: She's going to have a baby

(Cruella glares at her)

Cruella: Is this true?

Anita: (blushing) Yes

Cruella: Ugh, you poor thing, I'm so sorry

Anita: I'm very happy about it because I'm not getting fat after all

Cruella: You can't be serious

Roger: She is

Cruella: What can I say, you still get fat when you're pregnant or where else would the fetus grow?

Roger: We're having puppies too

(Cruella jumps up literally)

Cruella: Puppies. Puppies puppies puppies. (praises Anita) Good work darling. I'll raise you up to 25 pounds for doing good work. I will say this is good news because I adore puppies

(Roger frowns at her due to disliking her)

(Cruella spits out her chewed up tobacco and it hits Roger in the face)

(Cruella walks out in the hall and looks at Pongo and Perdy who are sitting on the stairs)

(Roger wipes the tobacco off his face)

Pongo: (angrily) Woof

Perdy: Woof

Cruella: Let me know when the birth occurs

Anita: It won't be for another eight months

Cruella: I meant the puppies darling

Anita: Stop calling me that, my name is Anita

Cruella: I call all my employees darlings darling. Well I've got no use for babies (starts to leave) cheerio cheerio darling see you in three weeks

(Pongo Barks furiously at Cruella as she walks out the door)


	9. Chapter 9

Scene 9  
The Puppies Come

(One cold evening, the wind blows and it's really stormy out and raining. The street Roger and Anita's house sits on is flooded with water due to sewer backup in the street. The lightning illuminates the sky)

(Roger is in his living room pacing around. Pongo is sitting on the sofa and watching his owner)

Roger: If I'm this bored, what am I going to be like when my baby arrives? Bored too?

(Sits down on the sofa and continues looking for hidden pictures in _Highlights for Kids_. Then he looks at Pongo)

Roger: How can you not be bored?

(In the kitchen Anita is sitting on the floor with Perdy who is lying in her doggy basket. Then she starts to go through labor)

Anita: Nanny?!

(Nanny comes rushing down the stairs with a bunch of old clothes but she can't run very fast. It's taking her more than three minutes to come down the stairs because she is so big)

Anita: Nanny? Nanny? Jesus what's holding you?

(Perdy is squealing with pain)

Anita: Nanny, get your big fat ass down here now, and help Perdy!

Nanny: I'm hurrying I'm hurrying. My left thigh keeps getting stuck on the side of the banister

(She is struggling coming down the stairs because the stairway isn't wide enough for her. Then she throws the clothes over the railing and they land in the hallway on the floor. Roger marches in the hall and picks up the clothes and brings them in the kitchen)

Anita: You're not supposed to be in here! No men allowed until the babies arrive!

Roger: Nanny keeps getting stuck in the staircase so let me help Perdy and forget about the fat bitch

(Slap slap you hear from the kitchen and then the two doors to the kitchen open and Roger is shoved out of the kitchen and he falls down on his back and hits his head on the coffee table as Anita slams the doors)

Anita: (from behind the doors) Don't you ever call her that again. Only I can

(Pongo stares at Roger as he rubs his head where he bumped it)

(Nanny finally makes it down the stairs with her fat body. She picks up the clothes and comes in through the living room but of course she squeezes through the door and races to the kitchen except she is walking because she is too big to run. Roger gets in her way)

Nanny: Gang way gang way (picks up a random object and hits him in the head with it and he falls down)

(Nanny opens one of the doors to the kitchen and closes it)

Roger: (shouting) Jesus Christ, I was just trying to help

(The ugly lorry pulls around the corner onto Roger and Anita's block. In the lorry are Horace and Jasper. Jasper parks in front of the house)

Jasper: Okay we're here. Get out and look in the window to see if those puppies have come yet

Horace: We ain't supposed to be looking in through other people's windows. It's rude

Jasper: I say do it! NOW! This is an important job we have here and you go out there now and peek in through the window

Horace: I can't anyway. It's pouring buckets

Jasper: There are no buckets falling

Horace: I thought it was a figure of speech?

(Jasper reaches over and opens the passenger door and pushes Horace out using his feet)

Jasper: Get out there!

(Less than a second, Horace is already drenched from head to toe because it's raining so hard and the water is up above his ankles)

Horace: Can I borrow an umbrella?

(Jasper picks up a crappy old umbrella and throws it outside at Horace and it hits him in the face. Jasper closes the passenger door. Horace picks up the umbrella and opens it and sees there is no fabric on it and all is left is the medal stuff so he isn't protected from the rain)

* * *

(The kitchen door opens)

Nanny: Perdy just had her first puppy (and she closes the door)

Roger: You're a father Pongo!

Nanny: (from the kitchen) She has another

Roger: Two! Two puppies two puppies (dances around with Pongo)

Pongo: Woof woof

Nanny: (from the kitchen) Make that three

Roger: Three, three puppies yaaaahooooo!

Pongo: Woof woof

(At the living room window Jasper peeks through and sees Roger tickling Pongo's penis and liquid is coming out of it which is climax)

Nanny: (off screen) Four

Roger: Four

Pongo: (howls)

(Horace heard the shouting from Nanny. He leaves the window and walks in the water to the lorry holding the crappy umbrella over his head to stay dry but he is still getting wet due to the lack of fabric. He gets in the lorry and they leave the block and head back to Da Slut's mansion)

* * *

(The small hand is on the two and the long hand on the twenty on the clock that sits on the mantelpiece in Roger and Anita's living room. Roger is lying on the floor sleeping. Then the kitchen door opens and Nanny pokes her head out. She throws some cold water on his face to wake him up and his eyes pop open)

Nanny: Seven puppies (and the door closes)

Roger: (to Pongo) Did you hear that boy, seven puppies

(The door opens again and Nanny comes out with an old apron rolled in a ball in her hands)

Nanny: Six, we lost one

(Roger gets up and takes the bundle from Nanny and sits down as she goes back in the kitchen and the closes the door)

(Pongo is starring at Roger)

Roger: Who are you starring at? I didn't kill it. I'm sorry you lost one of your kids

(Pongo nudges the bundle with his nose)

Roger: It's dead boy

(Pongo nudges it again)

Roger: All right, I'll do it but ain't gonna bring your kid back

(Roger unwraps the bundle and starts to stroke the dead puppy. The puppy is white of course since Dalmatians are born without spots. Roger flips the body over and strokes its penis and he discovers a good feeling in him so he keeps doing it. Then the body starts to move)

Roger: Huh? (rubs the penis some more and then the puppy finally has a little orgasm he yelps with delight and Pongo barks. The puppy is also barking too and Roger stands up proudly)

Roger: The puppy is not dead. We still have seven puppies

(Nanny opens the door and sees the puppy moving its head and barking wanting Roger to rub his penis some more)

Nanny: Ohhhmmmyyyyy, it's a miracle. I know what we'll call it. It's A Miracle.

(She takes the bundle from Roger and brings it back to Perdy)

Nanny: Anita, we have seven puppies after all

Anita: (Starts to jump around literally) Yaaaaahooooooo!

(Nanny picks up a random object and hits her in the head by throwing it at her)

Nanny: Put a cork in it

Anita: Huh?

Nanny: In your mouth, put a cork in your mouth

(Anita reaches for the champagne for the cork)

Nanny: That was a figure of speech, I meant calm down

Anita: Oh. Why do people have to talk abstractly?

(Nanny shows It's A Miracle to Perdy who is lying in her basket nursing her new born babies)

Nanny: Look Perdy, here's It's A Miracle. He was dead and he came alive again, see?

(Perdy licks the puppy as Nanny puts him in her basket and he starts to nurse too)

(Anita leaves the kitchen and Roger kisses her just like in the movie)

Roger: How's Perdy?

Anita: She's tired just like any new mother

Roger: Wow seven puppies. In the real script, we had fifteen I guess Spokane Girl had a right to change it

Anita: And she's so funny. I guess she isn't bad after all. After all this is a parody (sighs happily) You can go in now Pongo

(Pongo goes in the kitchen and sees Nanny cooing over Perdy and her puppies)

Pongo: Woof

Nanny: Oh, I'll leave, see ya (gets up and leaves Perdy alone)

(Pongo Walks up to Perdy and sees their children nursing from his wife. In the living room Anita is resting her head on Roger's shoulder and then she looks up at him)

Anita: I'm glad I'm having one

Roger: No, you're going to have septuplets

Anita: I am?!

Roger: Just kidding, you are having one

Anita: Oh good, I thought you were serious (and she and Roger hug each other as Pongo licks Perdy on the head and lays down beside her)


	10. Chapter 10

Scene 10  
Oh No! Anita Loses Her Job

(It is still storming outside as Cruella Da Slut walks up to Roger and Anita's door. Lightning illuminates the sky as she opens the door and closes it after she walks in)

Cruella: Anita?

(Cruella walks down the hallway dressed up in tiger stripes. She is wearing a very short shorts, and a bra that is all made out of fur and her whole entire tummy is showing and her coat comes down above her butt and the front does not fit over her breasts because the coat is meant not to close. It's meant to show off her body. She walks in the living room and sees Anita)

Cruella: There you are. Where are the puppies? (shoves Roger and Anita aside like they're doors)

(Roger falls down and hits his head on the shelf due to Cruella shoving him aside too hard but not with Anita, She gave her a light shove)

(Cruella is holding a box of tobacco in her hand as she is chewing. She sees the puppies in the basket and Pongo growls at her)

Cruella: How marvelous, how cool, I'm so on time, how perf- (finally notices the puppies are spotless) Ugh, what are those awful things? Ah they're rats, get rid of them, (turns to Anita) Where are the puppies?

Anita: Those are the puppies, they're spots don't come until later

(Cruella is chewing as she talks)

Cruella: Really?

Anita: (smirks and says in a valley girl voice) Yeah, what did you think, that they had them now?

Cruella: Don't valley girl me darling, put them a bag, I'll take them with me now (comes back into the living room)

Roger: What? They were just born

Cruella: Duh, I already know that, I'm not blind. Do I look blind?

Anita: Cruella, the puppies can't leave their mother now, they'll die. It'll kill them. They need to be with her for several weeks

Cruella: Fine put them on reserve (reaches into her fur purse and pulls out her checkbook) How much would you like?

Roger: They're not for sale

Cruella: Oh really? Have you gotten some money now have you? Did you finally design some crappy game that kiddies will enjoy and want to cut school and-

Roger: As a matter of fact, I finally figured out how to make my graphics 3D now so I'm working on that but I want to make them better

Cruella: Oh face it Roles

Roger: My name is Roger!

Cruella: You'll never get good, you're just-

Roger: As a matter of fa- (then Anita interrupts)

Anita: No no no no no no, what Roger means is is we're not sure if we're going to sell the puppies

Cruella: Oh Anita, don't be stupid. You can't possibly afford to keep them all and plus, wouldn't it bother you and your idiotic man to have to take them out three times a day to go potty? (Starts to write out the check) Seven hundred pounds

Anita: (eyes widen)

Cruella: Twenty-five thousand seven-hundred-pounds, fair? Two-hundred pounds per spot

Anita: Cruella, what would you do with seven puppies?

Roger: (to Anita) It's irrelevant you idiot, she can't have any because they're not for sale

Cruella: You are starting to get on my nerves Roland

Roger: It's Roger! Roooogeerrrrrr! R-O-G-E-R! Roger!

Cruella: (Rolls eyes and sounds like Amanda Bynes from the _All That_ skit, The Whatever Girls) Whatever (and hands out the check to Anita) Take it

(Anita looks at it. Cruella turns the check and points it face front at her)

Cruella: Take it

(Anita reads it and looks at Roger for a clue)

Cruella: TAKE IT! (Lightning illuminates the sky as she says it)

(Anita jumps and wets her crotch as Roger closes his eyes and shakes his head, Nanny is frozen in the background in the kitchen)

Anita: Cruella (and looks up at her) the puppies are not for sale

Cruella: You're sure?

Anita and Roger in unison: Duh

Cruella: Okay fine. Keep the little rats, do what you like with them, run them over for all I care, you're ignoramus Anita, I've got now use for ignoramuses (rips up the check in tiny pieces) I'm firing your sorry ass and I will make sure you never work in whore fashion ever again (throws the ripped up check pieces in her face and walks out of the room) I'll get even, just wait, you'll be sorry you dummies, you bubble heads! (open the door and slams it shut behind after she walks out)

(Jasper and Horace are soaking wet from the heavy rain and the street is still flooded with water. Horace holds the fabricless umbrella over Cruella)

Jasper: Good evening

(Cruella kicks Horace in the penis and grabs the umbrella from him and shoves it in Jasper's crotch who was leading her to her car)

Cruella: Fuck

(On the set of the movie)

Stephen Herek: Cut

Glenn Close: Oh now what?

Stephen Herek: You said the 'f' word and we cannot tolerate that because this is a children's movie, a Disney one

Glenn Close: Bull shit, you had other bad languages in the skit and you accepted those so why can't you accept the 'f' word? It doesn't make sense

Stephen Herek: I'm the director and I say the 'f' word is not allowed

Glenn Close: Well I said it is allowed if you're allowing shit, and other dirty words such as whore, penis, and all the sexual scenes. You think Pongo biting Jeff Daniels in the nuts is something you would see in a children's movie and me being dressed like this for my part and having the owners be abusive to their Dalmatians, and having the fake puppy have a cli-

Stephen Herek: (interrupting) Alright I see your point. You win, I'll allow the 'f' word (saying to all his movie crew) Back to the set and Glenn back in the house

(Glenn Close goes back in the fake house)

(Stephen Herek holds up the movie thing)

Stephen Herek: Ready and action take forty five

(Back to the movie)

(Cruella opens Roger's and Anita's door and slams it shut behind her)

(Jasper and Horace are soaking wet from the heavy rain and the street is still flooded with water. Horace holds the fabricless umbrella over Cruella as he is leading her to her car)

Jasper: Good evening

(Cruella kicks Horace in the penis and grabs the umbrella from him and shoves it in Jasper's crotch who was leading her to her car)

Cruella: Fuck, outta my way

(She gets in her car and slams her car door closed and she drives off in a jiffy. The back of her wheels throws the water at Jasper and Horace because she sped off so fast)


	11. Chapter 11

_Okay I have been quiet in the last few chapters. The song they play in the story is actually real. It was made by Bob Rivers. Parady of a Nat King Cole song, The Christmas Song. The first time I heard this song was when I was 16 and I was laughing so hard I couldn't speak and I felt like I was going to wet myself. I have liked parodies ever since._

_I watched the new episode of South Park and they spoofed Cloverfield. That movie sucked though. Hey they mentioned London and the performers were in Trafalgar Square._

_I love that show because it's dumb and funny. People who get offended by that show take TV way too seriously._

_But when will they make fun of my condition? Oh wait, they already have; ADD. I just want them to make fun of autism too._

* * *

Scene11  
The Puppies Get Their Collars

(Two months have gone by and it is snowing outside real hard and Nanny is coming down the street to Roger and Anita's house. Pongo is barking through the window at her)

Nanny: Hello

Pongo: Woof woof

Nanny: Hello

Pongo: Woof woof

Nanny: Hello

Pongo: Woof woof

Nanny: (in a louder voice) I already said 'Hello'

Pongo: Woof woof

Nanny: (yelling) I already said 'hello' you dumb dog so quit barking at me

(The puppies are on the first level watching Batman Returns. Michelle Pfeifferis on the ground after she is pushed out the window by her boss. Bunch of black cats come out and they are walking around her. One of the puppies gets up and walks up to the TV and changes the channel to another movie. Bunch of street dogs are attacking two burglars by chasing after them after catching them trying to rob the warehouse they live in)

(In the living room, Pongo gets off the sofa and goes into the hallway and up to the door. He stands up and pushes the red button on the wall and Nanny comes in but her body gets stuck in the doorway because she is so big remember)

Nanny: Oof, oh dear, not again (she drops the Harrods bag and tries to push herself into the home)

(Pongo helps too. He pulls her dress she has on and then Perdy comes in the hall and helps too. They both pull on her dress as Nanny keeps pushing herself through and then she finally pops right inside)

Nanny: Thanks you two

(Pongo and Perdy go back in the living room)

(Nanny picks up the bag and goes to the living room. She is not wearing a coat because she doesn't need one because her body fat keeps her warm)

Nanny: I've got them, they're here. Anita? Roger?

(No answer)

Nanny: Anita? Roger? Anyone home? Hello?

(Upstairs, the puppies hear Nanny and they all go running out of the bedroom and down the stairs except for the last one because her muscles are so toned she can't run. Instead she walks slowly and then she rolls down the stairs until she hits the floor in the hallway)

(The Puppies run in the living room and circle around Nanny)

Nanny: I got your collars. Wait until you see them

* * *

(A Bob Rivers song, "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire" parody of a Nat King Cole song "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire" is playing in the background as Anita opens the first case. It's a rosy pink collar)

Bob Rivers: Chipmunks roasting on an open fire

(The collar has a name tag on it also and it has the puppy's name on it)

Anita: Jewel Thief

(One of the puppies gets up and walks up to Anita. She is a boy but sadly the Dearlys' mistook it for a girl. His spots made a picture of a person stealing a jewel from the show case)

Bob Rivers: …hot sauce dripping from their toes

One of the chipmunks: Oh that tickles

(Anita picks the puppy up and slides the collar on him. She kisses him and gets some doggy hair in her mouth. She spits it out)

Bob Rivers:…Yuletide squirrels fresh filleted by the choir

(Roger opens the next case and the collar is blue for the boy puppies)

Roger: Dipshit

Bob Rivers:…They poked hot skewers through their nose

One of the chipmunks: Ow! Wrong end, ya cowboy!

(Dipshit who has a tail with the color brown at the end that looks like it was dipped in shit gets up and walks up to Roger)

Bob Rivers:… Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove

(Roger picks up Dipshit and puts the collar on him. He licks him)

Roger: Ew yuck, puppy germs

Bob Rivers: Help to make them seasoned right

(Nanny opens the next case)

Nanny: Parkinson

(The puppy is shaking all over. He gets up and walks up to Nanny)

Bob Rivers:…Help to make them seasoned right

(Nanny picks up the puppy and puts the collar on him)

Bob Rivers: Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat

(Roger opens the next case)

Roger: Too-Toned

(Music continues in the background)

(The puppy gets up real slowly and walks up to Roger by moving her legs without bending them. Her muscles are so tight in her legs, she can't bend them at all because they're too toned. Roger picks her up and puts the pink collar on her)

(Anita picks up the next case and opens it)

Anita: It's A Miracle

(It's A Miracle gets up and walks up to Anita. She picks him up and slides the collar on him)

(Roger picks up the next case)

Roger: Fatso

(The puppy gets up and slowly walks up to Roger. He is a fat puppy because he eats too much food)

Anita: (Giggling) Look how big he's gotten

Nanny: He is fat like me so that's why he is my favorite

Roger: We need to stop feeding him so he can get thin again

Anita: You too Nanny

(The puppies whimper and bark at Fatso and act all wild around him. They're making fun of their brother. Pongo and Perdy bark at them angrily telling them to shut up and apologize. Of course they're talking dog so all the humans hear are "woofs")

The Puppies: woof woof woof woof (they're really saying ("we're sorry for making fun of you Fatso")

Fatso: Woof woof (saying "thanks you guys")

(Fatso finally walks up to Roger. He puts the collar on him but he doesn't pick him up because he is too heavy)

(Nanny picks up the last case. It is another blue collar but there are only six puppies in the room, where is the other?)

(Roger and Anita don't care because they're too busy playing with the puppies. Hugging them and rubbing them and them licking their faces)

(Then they hear a bark and a tinkling sound. The puppy appears out from behind the chair that is next to the living room door)

Bob Rivers: I'm not really sad that it ended this way furry chipmunks screw you

Some guy's voice in the song: Did you hear that Melvin? Melvin? Mellllviiiin?

Another guy's voice: Why I'm sorry Dave, did you want Melvin? There's plenty of Thagadore left over

(Roger and Anita look at each other)

Roger and Anita in unison: Pisser

(Pisser looks up from the floor as the chair under Nanny's weight collapse)

Nanny: Not again, I'll get the super glue and the mop


	12. Chapter 12

_Okay this is my last chapter for now. I got a tremendous writer's block because I ran out of ideas for the parody. I do take a dig at another condition in this chapter but hey this is just for humor. It has always sounded like to my ears Roger is giving Anita a math problem "12 times 4" and she says "But I don't know any, what were you thinking of?" So I made a joke about it. __None of us know what they were really saying. Like I said before, if you get offended by these jokes, I advise you to not read this chapter. Last time I said "skip" but this time it's "this" because there is no next one for now. If you have any parody ideas for this story, you can send them to me._

_Oh yeah I also threw in some Benny & Joon, South Park, A League of Their Own, and Scream. _

_Benny & Joon is my favorite movie of all time. I even have a fanfiction story idea for that movie._

* * *

Scene 12  
The Puppies Get Dognapped

(Jasper and Horace are sleeping in their lorry waiting to steal the puppies)

(Roger and Anita walk out of their house with Pongo and Perdy on their leashes)

Roger: Twelve times four?

(Roger is giving her a math problem to solve because she can't do any math due to her dyscalculia)

Anita: I don't know. You know I can't do math. What were you thinking?

(Roger and Anita walk down their street as they talk)

Roger: Think about it. It's about time you try to learn math again so you would stop asking Nanny or I when it comes to solving math problems.

Anita: How can I do them if the numbers are out of place and backwards?

Roger: I know what might help. Try to make a picture in your head from the numbers…

(Jasper watches the Dearlys' walk down the street and they turn the corner talking indistinct)

Jasper: Time to get those puppies

Horace: Zzzzzz zzzzzzz

(Jasper hits him in the head with a truncheon)

Jasper: Wake up

(Horace's eyes pop open)

Horace: Whaaa?

Jasper: We're on. The two humans have left their home and now here's our chance to get them puppies

Horace: What about the other human?

Jasper: Oh don't worry about that fat woman. We can easily get around her

(Jasper and Horace reach down and grab a Scream mask in unison. They both try to put it on)

(Jasper slaps Horace in the arms and pulls the mask out of his hands)

Jasper: Get your own

* * *

(The puppies are sleeping in their basket under the counter)

(Nanny slides the curtains close then she sees one of the bowls on the floor with food in it still)

Nanny: Oh no not again. Who didn't finish their food this time?

(Picks up the bowl and sets it on the table and begins to scoop the food into a container)

Nanny: We're in crazy debt and we can't afford to waste food

(The doorbell rings)

Nanny: Oh now what?

(Sets the spoon on the table and she squeezes herself through the doorway that leads to the hallway)

(The doorbell keeps ringing)

Nanny: I'm coming jee whiz

(She walks up to the door finally and answers it. Jasper and Horace are standing there. Jasper is wearing the Scream costume with the mask and Horace is wearing a snorkel mask)

Joon: Hey that's my thing, not his, he needs to get his own prop and not copy what I do. No one copies me!

Benny: Joon, please just watch the show

(Joon calms down and continues watching the movie with Benny, Sam, and Ruthie)

Back to the movie:

Jasper behind the mask: Evening lady

Nanny: Ahhh

(She tries to close the door but Horace and Jasper grab the door and barge their way in)

(Nanny grabs Horace's snorkel mask and pulls it)

(Jasper grabs her and Nanny let's go of the snorkel mask and it hits Horace in the face)

(He falls back and falls over the railing and onto the street)

Jasper: Get your ass back in here

(Horace gets up and comes back on the stoop. He comes inside and grabs Nanny too.

Nanny: Get your filthy hands off of me

(Starts to hit them but Jasper grabs her arms and hold them behind her back as Horace pulls her)

Jasper: Quick in here

(They pull her and push her through the living room doorway and she gets stuck)

Jasper: Oh great

Nanny: Police help! Police help! Someone help!

Horace: (saying through the snorkeling tube) Ho is tis great?

Jasper: That was sarcasm you idiot

(Nanny keeps screaming. She moves her legs around kicking Jasper and Horace)

Jasper: Hurry, pull while I push her through here

(Horace pulls Nanny by her dress. The top rips and her ugly boobs are showing)

(In the Kitchen Pisser pokes his head out of the curtains)

Pisser: (confused barking) Woof? Woof?

(Jasper shoves himself against Nanny and she pops right through the doorway and she falls on top of Horace)

Jasper: Finally

(Nanny pulls her arms free from him and starts hitting and kicking but they grab her again. Jasper grabs her arms and Horace pushes Nanny off of him)

Jasper: Take the screen away from the fire place. Hurry

(Horace goes up to the fire place and removes the screen)

Jasper: Now help me shove her in there

Horace: She ain't small enough. She's too big

Jasper: That's the point. She will get stuck, now help me

(Horace gets behind Nanny and they push her towards the fire place and then they shove her in there and she gets stuck)

Nanny: (muffling) Get me out of her. Get me out now. I'm calling the police

(She keeps screaming)

Jasper: Well the fat lady sure put up a fight (he takes off the Scream mask)

Horace: Easy for you to say, at least you didn't get smashed in the face

Jasper: Shhh listen

(He and Horace hear Pisser barking in the kitchen)

Jasper: You can take off that snorkel mask now

(Horace takes the snorkeling tube out of his mouth and pulls the mask up)

(They come in the kitchen and Jasper slides the curtains open)

(Pisser is barking at them)

Jasper and Horace: (in unison in sarcasm) Ahh isn't that the sweetest thing.

Jasper: Hurry, the bag

(Horace reaches behind him and pulls the bag out from behind him. He had it inside his shirt but the bag gets stuck)

(Jasper reaches and grabs Pisser but he jumps out and bites him in the you know where)

(Jasper yells in agony as Pisser keeps biting him down there)

Jasper: (yelling in agony) The bag! The bag! Hurry

(Horace reaches behind him again and pulls the bag out from behind him as hard as he could. The bag pulls right out from under his shirt. It was a huge sack made out of wool. Ouch)

Horace: I got it out finally

Jasper: Give it to me!

(Horace dumps the sack in front of him and it lands on top of Pisser)

(Jasper finally grabs Pisser by grabbing his mouth and forcing him to open his mouth by pulling it open and he stops biting him down there. Jasper holds his mouth shut)

Jasper: Horace, I know you are sixty pounds over weight, but when I say hurry, please interpit that as MOVE YOU BIG FAT LARGE ASS NOW!!!

Horace: I thought we were doing a parody on that Dalmatian movie, not on that _Scream_ movie?

Jasper: We are and because this is a parody we're supposed to spoof other movies and lines from them too, now get the bag open.

(Horace holds the bag open)

(Pisser starts to pee on Jasper)

Jasper: Ahhh

(Pisser stops peeing on him)

Jasper: Stupid little dog

(Jasper drops Pisser in the bag. He grabs the other puppies too. Too-Toned, Jewel Thief, It's A Miracle, Dipshit, Parkinson and drops them all in the bag one at a time. The last puppy in the basket sits Fatso. Jasper reaches for him and grabs him but he is too heavy for him to pick up so he pulls it and uses all his body strength to pick it up. He puts it in the bag with all the other puppies)

(He makes the bag so heavy Horace is unable to hold it up by himself. Jasper pulls the bag shut and he and Horace carry the bag out of the kitchen and through the hallway to the front door. They go down the stoop and carry the bag to their lorry leaving the front door open)

(The old man dressed in the Buckingham Guard suit is walking his ugly Bulldog on the street on his leash)

Jasper: Evening old guy

The old man: Hello

(The Bulldog barks furiously at Jasper and Horace)

The old man: Monty, shut up boy. Shut up

(Horace and Jasper pick the bag up and dump it in their back of their lorry. Jasper closes it up by tying the ropes that hold the huge tent over the back of their lorry closed.)

(The bulldog is still barking furiously at them)

(The old man continues yelling at him to "shut up")

Horace: Jasper, do you know why I think that bulldog is barking at us

Jasper: Why?

Horace: I bet he knows what we just done

(Jasper yanks the snorkel mask off his head and hits him with it)

Jasper: Turn those brains of yours on. It's a stinking dog Horace. Dogs ain't got no brains to figure things out. They're stupid. Thank god

(The Bulldog is still barking at them as they get in their lorry and drive off with the puppies barking in the back of the lorry)

(Then the old man starts to hit his dog with his cane)

The old man: Shut up Monty, you'll wake up the neighbors

(In the park nearby, the barking is heard. Pongo and Perdy are sitting on the pavement next to their owners who are sitting on the bench talking. They are still talking about math)

Roger: You have dyscalculia? Why didn't you say so?

(Pongo and Perdy pick up the barking)

(Roger and Anita are still talking)

Pongo: Woof woof

(He and Perdy take off running and their leashes pull out of Roger and Anita's hands since they weren't really holding onto them)

Roger: Anita, I think-

(He cuts himself off. He gets up)

Roger: (shouting) Pongo?

(Then Anita gets up too)

Anita: (also shouting) Perdy?

(Back at home, Nanny finally pulls herself out of the fireplace. She falls backwards and falls on the coffee table. It collapse under her)

Nanny: Oh no, I need to use the super glue again. (She gets up and shouts) Police help police help

(Nanny races around the living room panicking. Then she runs in the kitchen and sees the curtains open. She looks under there)

Nanny: Oh no, the puppies are gone. Anita? Roger?

(Nanny races in the hallway and Pongo and Perdy run right inside through the front door that was left open by the men)

(Pongo and Perdy race to the kitchen and they stop dead when they see the empty basket)

(Perdy turns around and nods her head at Pongo)

(Anita and Roger race through the front door too)

Nanny: Thank god you're home

Anita: What's wrong? Why are you crying like a baby?

Nanny: The men, two of them, they took the puppies…

(Anita and Roger rush to the kitchen after he closed the front door)

Nanny:…..I tried to stop them but I couldn't. They pushed me in the fireplace where I got stuck…

Roger: So that's why you're covered in soot

(Nanny indeed has some soot in her hair and on her face and shoulders)

Nanny:…I shouted and shouted but no one came and helped me

(Roger, Anita and Nanny all stare at the empty basket)

(Perdy gets in the basket and lies down. Pongo goes under the counter with her and sits beside the basket)

(Anita starts to cry. Roger puts his hands on her shoulder and starts to cry too. Then Nanny starts to cry. Then Pongo and Perdy start to cry. They whimper and howl)

(Everyone in the audience starts to cry)

(You start to cry)

(I start to cry)

(Benny and Joon start to cry)

(Sam and Ruthie start to cry)

(Thomas and Mike start to cry)

(Dottie and Kit, who are now in their eighties, start to cry and so do the other old people in the nursing home)

(All the Rockford Peaches who are now old people too start to cry except for Evelyn since she's dead)

(Stillwell, who is now grown up, starts to cry)

(Kyle, Stan, Cartmen and Kenny start to cry. Kenny is so upset, his heart breaks literally and he falls off the couch)

Stan: Oh my god, they killed Kenny

Kyle: (saying to the TV) You Bastard

(The rats appear and they form a circle around Kenny and start to eat his body)

(Bush starts to cry, Kerry starts to cry, Queen Elizabeth II starts to cry, everyone who is watching the movie starts to cry, except for the Bry-Man, my former online stalker, the Ry-Man, the guy who created a teen bathroom forum and discriminated me and Axl Rose just because of one damn soap opera, and the sadistic boy my ex aspie playmate, Devin. They're all happy the puppies have been taken)

Devin: Let's hope those puppies do get killed

The Bry-Man: This is so funny

The Ry-Man: I'm so glad those puppies have disappeared. I can't wait for them to get killed. This rocks

(Everyone and even you and the characters continue crying for the next five minutes. Pongo and Perdy keep howling and whimpering)

* * *

_Oh yeah I took a dig at my three enemies._ _Two internet ones and one in real life._


End file.
